


Just let me cry a little bit longer

by maanorchidee



Series: Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather [3]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Character Study, Developing Friendships, Gen, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29438610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maanorchidee/pseuds/maanorchidee
Summary: Agatha is not going to reach out to Penny. She’s not. Really.But Penny is sitting all alone and Agatha can’t help but feel for her.
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Agatha Wellbelove
Series: Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2147874
Kudos: 4





	Just let me cry a little bit longer

**Author's Note:**

> This one took a bit longer cause Penny is... Penny.

**AGATHA**

Emotions are exhausting. I close my eyes because I’m spent from talking to Simon and Baz.

I think it’s helped, though. It’s helped them, but it’s also helped me.

I know I half-joked about becoming Penny’s therapist, but she’s sitting alone at their dining table, and I feel the sudden urge to comfort her. My father and the Normal are gone, so I suppose he’s going to do some more examinations at the magickal clinic. Penny’s mum is still typing.

Penny is sitting all alone and she looks lost. I’ve never seen her look so lost. It makes me want to reach out to her, but what can I do? Penny and I have never seen it eye-to-eye. We were never friends, only acquaintances through Simon. She was always busy with planning and the war and strategising Simon’s next move. I knew she looked down on me. I knew she mistook my desire for distraction as disinterest. 

And sure, Baz and I were never friends either, but I feel like I can connect to him the same way I can connect to Simon. I have something in common with these boys. I see that now. I’ve realised it today.

What could I possibly have in common with Penelope Bunce?

Yet, my primal instinct kicks in. It’s needed, since I think Penny might be crying. I awkwardly sit down next to her.

“Go away,” Penny says and she hides her face in her hands.

I ignore her.

“Are you okay?” I ask her as well. After all, it was enough to make Baz break out of his shell.

As expected, Penny doesn’t budge. She huffs out an inaudible response and she ignores me.

I feel kind of stupid. I’m headstrong, but I am not strong enough to take on Penny. I move out of my seat, but suddenly, her hand is on my arm.

“Penny?”

Penny looks up. Her eyes are teary, but there’s also the classic Bunce determination. 

“You can’t- Agatha, we have to strategise!”

I frown. 

Penny rolls her eyes when she sees my confusion. This is what I mean with Penny making me feel dumb sometimes. She expects me to know what she’s talking about. If not, then that’s on me.

She uses her free hand to wipe her tears away and she says: “About the NextBlood. Did you tell my mum your part of the story yet?”

I free myself from her grip and I back away, shaking my head.

Now, Penny is the one who frowns.

“Oh my fucking God, Penelope,” I say. I only swear as a Normal when I’m around Normals or when I am very passionate about something. I am passionate about Penny’s health. Someone has to be.

“What?” Penny sounds genuinely confused.

Has she never taken a break?

I ask her that and Penny’s frown deepens.

“Agatha, how can I take a break when there’s an entire hoard of vampires trying to access magic?”

Penny isn’t fucking with me. 

“You can take a break to regain strength,” I tell her. I will never be able to convince her to just take a break for the sake of relaxation, so I’m trying to make it sound like it’ll benefit her plans. 

But Penny’s frown deepens even more. 

Why do I bother trying to explain it to her? 

“Not everyone can afford to leave the World of Mages to spend their days eating cheap tacos and going to trashy music festivals!”

I try not to be hurt by this. Instead, I rebuff her claim.

“Except that you can.”

This stuns Penny into silence. She frowns even more. (I won’t be surprised if she manages to create a pernament crease in her forehead.)

“But the NextBlood!” Penny says after a beat of silence, “We have the responsibility to fix that.”

“Do we?” I ask skeptically, “Do we really?”

“Yes!” Penny sounds agitated, as if she can’t believe a word of what I’m saying. She probably can’t. “Yes, Agatha, we do! We saw what happened. They _captured_ you.”

Oh, I don’t need to be reminded of that. 

“But what if I hadn’t been captured? What if we had absolutely no idea that those NextBlood fuckers existed?” I challenge her, “Would it still be our responsibility?”

More silence. I see this as a win. It’s painfully hard to make Penny shut up.

I continue to add more fuel to the flame by asking: “Right now, are we responsible for all the pain and suffering in the world, even the ones that are unknown to us?”

Penny then turns away from me.

Alright. 

That’s her way of getting out of an argument, I suppose. Instead of admitting her faults, she just turns away from you. Penelope Bunce always needs to be right.

I tell her that in annoyance. It’s rude, I know that, but I also don’t give a shit.

I decide to wait ten seconds to hear her counterpoint, but instead, she burst into another round of tears.

“Penelope?” I hear.

Mitali Bunce is finally looking up from her laptop. She pushes it off her lap and she rushes towards her daughter. “Penelope, what is going on?”

Mitali looks at me, puzzled, but I shake my head. I have no clue what is going on. Did my words really upset her that much?

“Mum, Micah broke up with me.”

_Oh. What?_

“Oh, my love,” Mitali says softly. She hugs her daughter tightly and I awkwardly back away. This is a very personal moment.

I watch Mitali comfort Penny from afar and I feel a little twinge of jealousy. My mother has never comforted me like that.

Penny cries on her mother’s shoulder and I decide to give them space.

* * *

The balcony is free, since Simon and Baz have gone out for a walk. It’s kind of irresponsible, since my father made it clear that Simon needs to heal more. I guess they also needed a break or some more privacy.

I light another cigarette.

I wait for my father to come back, so that we can leave.

After a while, Penny sits next to me. She sees the cigarette and she looks disgusted.

“I knew it!” she says, as if she’s just uncovered a big secret, “You reeked like smoke. This is very bad for you, Agatha.”

Of course, Penny would be the one to lecture me about my terrible habit. I suppress a sigh. She looks way too happy to be ‘proven right’ about this, but I let her have this.

Penny’s euphoria doesn’t last long, though. She sits next to me and she looks sad. 

Micah broke her heart.

I don’t know what heartbreak feels like. I thought I did. Now I realise that the disconnect I felt while dating Simon was exactly that: disconnect. It explains why I was a shit friend towards Minty when she got her heart broken when we were fifteen. I never understood.

Well, the least I can do is offer some sympathies, right?

“I’m sorry to hear about Micah.”

Penny lets out a teary laugh.

“Yeah, so am I.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing,” Penny says solemnly, “That’s the problem. He gave up on us, but in hindsight... I wasn’t fair to him either. I didn’t- What you said-”

Her breath hitches and then she lets out another sob. I wait for Penny to find the words.

“About me being right. Or I mean- how I always need to be right. What you just said. You were right. So was he.”

I’m trying to follow her train of thoughts, but she’s incoherent. She also keeps sobbing. I’ve never seen her so unhinged before, and we almost died in a burning car a few days ago.

“I’m always right! I know I am. It doesn’t make me arrogant. I’m simply stating a fact.”

“Penelope, I’m not following.”

Penny takes another deep breath.

“You told me that I always need to be right. He said that as well.”

Smoking prevents me from talking, so I do that. What does she want me to say to this? I can’t rebuff her claim. Penny definitely always needs to be right and it is very annoying.

“Since when is being right a bad thing?” Penny says. At this point, it feels like she’s talking to herself instead of to me. I let her talk and I keep smoking. Maybe it’s good for her. “Being right has saved our asses a lot of times. It’s saved you! But I suppose that I... well...”

She trails off. 

I look at her. The silence continues, so I see that as my cue to talk.

“Being right isn’t the most important part of life,” I tell her. She looks back at me. “Your knowledge and determination are admiring, Penny. It always has been. No one matches your sheer talent. On the other hand, you aren’t always well-liked. Not everyone will put up with your attitude, and that’s fine, because there will be people who will.”

Like that Normal, Shepard. I’m still a bit confused about his involvement in all of this, but I’m grateful nevertheless. He saved us. 

He seems to care about Penny. Every time Penny speaks, he listens.

“ _You_ don’t put up with my attitude,” Penny huffs out.

I bark a laugh.

“No, I don’t.”

Even now, it feels like a chore to talk to Penny. This is different from Simon and Baz, where our conversations led to a feeling of closure and understanding. I will never understand Penny.

But you know what? That’s fine.

She will never understand me.

And I think I might quite like her. We were never friends, but who knows what can happen now. If I am going to re-enter the World of Mages, Penny will obviously be there.

“Come to San Diego with me,” I say abruptly. 

“What?” Penny sounds surprised. I don’t blame her. I even surprise myself.

I shrug it off. “Come to San Diego with me,” I repeat, “Not forever, obviously. Maybe around Christmastime, when we both have free time? I know this cool vegan Indian restaurant and their food is to die for. And there’s also a great pizza place. Or we can go to some museums. Or the beach.” 

“Why?”

I shrug again.

“It’s fun. Take a break, Penelope.”

She has a hesitant look on her face. At least she’s thinking about it. She knows I’m going back to our earlier conversation: it’s fine to have some time off, especially since we don’t have the responsibility to save everyone.

When has Penny ever had fun? Ever since she met Simon in our first year, she’s been roped into the action. 

We’re twenty now. Hasn’t she had a time to just relax in almost a decade? It hurts to think about that. What did she do with her childhood?

Then again, Simon never had an actual childhood. Did any of us have? At least I tried to hold on to it.

“Agatha,” Penny’s voice sounds small, “Why did you run away?”

I raise an eyebrow. (I must’ve learned that from Baz.) I thought it was pretty obvious by now. 

Penny knows this. She gives the answer.

“To run away from the war, huh? I think I get that.”

She does?

“You ran away from the World of Mages completely. I just tried to run away from the war. I was just so lucky to be alive and to have survived. I’m still so happy that _Simon_ has survived. But I tried to move on too fast, with all the uni stuff and what now. The war might be over, but it’s still ongoing in my head.”

Silence.

Her words hit hard.

I can’t walk away from the war in the same way I can’t walk away from the World of Mages. I am magic the same way I am a child of war. It’s a hard thing to realise. Maybe I should ask Simon the number of that magickal therapist in Chicago. I wonders if he still talks to her. I wonder if I should. (We all should.)

The war is still ongoing in my head as well. I just tried to repress it by running away. It’s worked for a long time and I am grateful. 

But it hasn’t worked for Penny.

I think about what she said about being happy to have survived, and how she then started ‘the rest of her life’ with so much determination to move on. I felt the same.

I look at Penny as if I’ve never seen her before. Maybe we have something in common after all. 

Except Penny’s attempts at moving on have clearly failed. 

Have mine failed as well? I loved life for the first time in a long time. I was almost happy. But did I move on or did I just surpress it all? Even then, life was good.

“Come to San Diego with me,” I say again.

“A few days in San Diego isn’t going to fix things.”

“I know. I’ve been there for over a year.”

Penny keeps fighting me. “You don’t even like me. Why are you suddenly inviting me over?”

“First time for everything.”

“ _Agatha_.”

“ _Penelope_. Let’s have cheap tacos and go to trashy music festivals. We can go shopping for new clothes. We can see a movie while we’re there.”

“But it’s- that’s all so useless. What is the point?”

I smile. “There isn’t. That’s what makes it _useful_. It’s just fun.”

“... Fun,” Penny says quietly, as if the word is unfamiliar to her. 

“You’ve never had any fun, Penny?” I ask her.

Penny sighs, sounding annoyed. “Of course I have. I’m not completely deprived from fun, so yes, I have had fun. But maybe not enough.”

I hum in agreement.

“Okay,” Penny eventually says, “Yes, let’s go to San Diego together.”

“That’s the spirit,” I say and I start to laugh. I think it’s because of happiness. I realise that I’m _excited_.

Penny laughs as well. 

We’re going to have fun.

**Author's Note:**

> One more chapter to go. Wohoo. God, I love Agatha Wellbelove.


End file.
